What a Running Snob

Saturday night when I was thinking about all the reasons why I would/wouldn’t run the Houston Marathon illegally, reason numero uno was that Mr. Coach would kick my trash if he found out. And I stated as such. And it occurred to me (while I was lifting today…because I hate strength training and basically will do anything to distract myself from the fact that I’m doing it) that if you don’t know me in person, you might read that and be all, “What a DIVA! Who does she think she is? The next Kara FREAKIN’ Goucher??”

(The answer would, without a doubt, be no.)

But it sounds kind of snobby, right? “My coach would be so mad.” I feel like it needs a #firstworldproblems hashtag. So I wanted to take a minute to explain why mediocrity like this requires coaching.

First and foremost, I’m a novice at this running business. I’ve only been at it about a year and a half, and have proven to myself time and time again that I have no idea what I’m doing. When I hired Coach Jeff, it was because I noticed my training times were starting to get better and I had a crazy idea that maybe I could get even faster. (Fast being relative, obviously.)

***And while we’re on the subject of fast, let’s just lay my PRs out there so you know I’m no future Olympian mmmkay?***

5k: 23:xx (VERY high 50’s on the seconds…but it wasn’t a chip-timed race and I didn’t stop my Garmin right away because I’m dumb. So I don’t really consider myself to have a 5k PR as much as a 5k, erm, personal failure to stop my watch.)

10k: 48:33. I’m super happy with this one, because I finished this race with a butt load of gas in the tank–at first I was mad that I didn’t realize before mile 5 that I had more left, but MAN is it gratifying to take like 11 minutes off the last time you last ran a race in and not need to hurl everywhere.

Half Marathon: 1:48:33. (Is it weird that my 10k and half PRs are exactly one hour apart? Discuss.) Also pretty happy with this one. It was a hilly-ish course (the last few miles anyways) and I fought hard for that time.

Marathon: 4:15:something something. Wahhh wahhh. I’m not proud of this, but it’s the best I’ve got so far. Marathon, you are my nemesis.

Okay, so now that you know I’m not headed for the Olympic trials, let’s continue.

Another reason I hired Mr. Coach Man was because he makes me do workouts I flat-out wouldn’t do otherwise. Mile repeats? No thanks. 800s? Suck it, track. Tempo runs? Bite me! But it shows up on my schedule and I have someone to be accountable to? I’m there.

[Side note: I don’t pay for a gym membership because I have a gym in my apartment building, and this coaching business is much cheaper than any gym I’ve ever forked over cash for. So it’s economical if you’re looking to pay for motivation, you know?]

Also, I’m a dreamer. I want to be an Ironman, but I’m a TERRIBLE swimmer. I want to qualify for Boston, and I’m pretty sure the next time I run a marathon, the standard for my age group will be 3:30, maybe 3:35. And you know what? I want to try to run a sub-3 marathon someday. Laugh if you will, but this girl is my inspiration for such crazy-ass ideas. [If you’re not so much on the clicking over, she ran her first marathon in 2008 in 4:30-something. A couple weeks ago, she qualified for the Olympic trials. Badass.] I’m smart enough to know that I’m going to need help tackling such things. I read your blogs and intently take in your recount of your awesome 1:30ish half marathon (I’m looking at you SUSAN!) and I’m straight-up in awe…but I know I can’t run like that without some guidance. (Also Susan is super nice and obviously works for her bitchin’ times….but you probably already read her blog so moving on…)

Lastly, you know those times when you feel like a crap-can and you’re pretty sure that run was an epic waste of time? That you’re destined to be lining up in the back FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? Jeff is pretty good about pointing out what was valuable in a workout. (Didn’t hit your mile repeat goal splits? Well was your heart rate HIGH? Then you worked. And you gained something. Moving on.) He’s good about keeping my crazy in check.

Umm, that’s probably enough. I just wanted to get it off my chest that I don’t want anyone to think that I think I’m some sort of elite runner. (Say that 10 times fast. Hah.)

***

And because I’ve learned blog posts sans pictures are boring snoring, here’s some more of Megan and Jeri’s visit to Houston!

Reunited : )

my shirt is supposed to be falling off my shoulder, fyi.

eating Mexican food, natch.

I really like to pose awkwardly like I have a broken ankle when buying beer, apparently.

I also like to smile like a total cheeseball.

the standard pose. as Jeri so astutely pointed out, we'd NEVER make it on ANTM.

Hope you ran fast today! (Or begrudgingly lifted weights like I did.)

Happy running.

4 Responses to “What a Running Snob”


  1. 1 Page Spicer February 1, 2011 at 12:22 am

    ANTM ain’t got nothin’ on you ladies!😉

    • 2 Open November 12, 2013 at 7:32 am

      :”busted a nut”??!Uhh…I think you misunderstand that term. You shluod look it up because it is strictly sexual, and it really doesn’t suit the tone of your lovely blog. Sorry no one else, like your friends, stepped up and told you. Shouldn’t take a complete stranger.Awesome cupcakes and Totoro cake, btw that’s how I ended up here: Google image search..

  2. 3 lyrics to never gonna stop June 19, 2013 at 2:46 am

    Have you ever considered creating an e-book or guest authoring on other
    blogs? I have a blog based on the same ideas you discuss and would love to have you share some stories/information.

    I know my viewers would appreciate your work.
    If you’re even remotely interested, feel free to send me an e-mail.

  3. 4 Sylvii November 12, 2013 at 12:27 pm

    Nice interrogation!Sorry about #5 Tyson, it’s very curlalutly specific to people who grew up in the UK. The implant, admittedly, was one of necessity rather than for cosmetic enhancement. You’d be surprised how many people have Chinese characters on their body which are completely random.All cats have the ability to look a bit mean Dave, so maybe I was reading too much into it or was I? The London one does seem incredible, doesn’t it? I’d like to add that I’ve also never been to Wales or Ireland, either. RE: Blue Peter they have a second level’ honorable mention type of badge for nice ideas that don’t make it on the tv. I had the tattoo done in the States about fifteen years ago and just liked the design spur of the moment decision.I’ll reveal all soon.


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